Full disclosure… Before marriage.
To disclose or not to disclose?
The man who can’t have an erection as a result of an accident or a birth defect?
The woman with a dilation and curettage gone wrong who has been told her tubes are blocked, her uterine walls are weak and the chances of her having a baby in the future are 0.1%?
The man with three previous children who just met what he believes to be the love of his life?
The woman with a previous child safely hidden away with grandma?
The huge debt that hasn’t been cleared?
The baby mama with a child who gets child support every month?
The lady with genital infections that won’t go away?
You may be thinking, these sound like extreme situations, but I am aware of people faced with a number of them.
The question is, what should a couple share with each other before they get married? Hopefully, we should get to that answer before the end of this post.
While it seems okay to keep what happened in Vegas in Vegas, picture how you would feel if you were faced with any of those situations.
Betrayed? Trapped? Unhappy? Imagine being trapped in a marriage with someone who can’t have an erection. I mean not like sex or the lack of it will kill you, but if you are going to stay celibate the rest of your married life, wouldn’t it be fair that you knew about it and didn’t get sucked into the situation without your consent?
Again, most of those situations will not go away with time. A secret child is a living person needing love. They won’t have a Thanos-Avengers moment and disappear from your lives. That child will keep growing. Why would anyone want to hide something like that?
So to answer the question, what should be shared before marriage?
My answer is, everything. Share it all; the good, the bad, the ugly.
You don’t want to be married to someone who doesn’t see and accept you for who you are anyway so if the shoe doesn’t fit, lady, don’t wear it. It’s not yours. You also don’t want to start a marriage with a wrong foundation.
It’s better for them to know you for who you were, than to have pristine impressions of you and wake up one day to find out that not only were you not who they thought you are, but you lied.
Don’t worry, the one who’s meant for you will accept you with all your past mistakes and love you the way Christ loves the church. So, disclose all. Be naked and unashamed in your openness with each other during your courtship, so when it’s time to get naked under the sheets and before God, there’ll be no secrets or reservations.
Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. Every healthy relationship is built on a foundation of honesty and trust – Dave Willis.