There are moments in parenting your children that can shake you. I am not talking about the everyday typical challenges or feelings of tiredness from putting away socks, doing dishes or making meals. I am talking about the moments that rattle you to the core and keep you tossing and turning at night. Maybe a report from school about your child breaking a rule, or when you catch your child lying, bullying another child, or being caught in some major offence. Or, when you get info that your child was contemplating suicide, or using, or watching porn. Or when you see clear signs that they are self-harming or being influenced in ways you never imagined possible. Or they begin to change, pull away, or act out and you wonder where that little baby that adorably called you Mama went. Those are the moments I am talking about.

This is the side of parenting we don’t always talk about. Many avoid them because acknowledging them unearths those fears that leave them feeling helpless and alone. They make you question everything you thought you were doing right. Up till that moment, you were sure you were an amazing parent. Then, one day you are hit with this information that you don’t even know how to process.
So, what do you do when you don’t have the answers? Especially, when you’ve lived your whole life having answers to everything (and everyone) but, now this is your own child. Your own offspring. From your loins.
What do you do when grounding them and discipline isn’t enough?
When your prayers feel unheard?
When your heart is breaking, and you don’t even recognize the child you raised?
When you look round and everyone seems to have a perfect child, but yours.
What do you do?

“You are not alone. God sees it all”

Parenting in these moments can feel like standing, trying to hold up a roof with your bare hands smack in the middle of a hurricane! The encouraging thing about it all is, God never asked you to carry the weight of your child’s future alone. (Please read that as many times as you need to for it to sink in.)
God knows. God sees. God feels what you feel (Remember, He is a parent too!)
And He cares, even way more than you do.
I love Psalm 46:1 for many reasons. “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” Especially, in my parenting journey, it reminds me that God is my refuge, my strength and that He is very present with me as I go through life’s journey, raising my children, being intentional about avoiding generational mistakes, while beating away the pressures of the generation they find themselves in.
He is not just a help for my children, but for me, the parent. I don’t know about you but I find that extremely comforting. That means I can trust Him.

Practical trust,  is not passive waiting

But then, trusting God in our parenting journey doesn’t mean sitting around doing nothing. It means asking Him, daily, “Lord, what do you want me to see? How do you want me to handle this specific situation? What step do you want me to take today?”
You know how the Bible says God daily loads us with benefits? (Psalm 68:19)
Well, now it is time to receive the benefit of strength and wisdom to parent your children DAILY.
Sometimes the benefit may be seeking counselling.
Other times, it may be being vulnerable to talk about your personal (‘I’d-rather-keep-them-secret’) challenges with someone (or people) you can trust.
I often tell people that most challenges thrive on secrecy. Where you assume only you face what you face and the shame of another person finding out holds you captive. But the truth is, most times the person sitting next to you may just have the solution. But, you won’t know this because you didn’t ask for help.
Even other times, the benefit may be having hard conversations with your child and listening to them without judging as they open up to you.
Sometimes, amazingly, the solution may be silence.
Or even letting go of control and trusting God to do the deep work in your child’s heart while you pray.
Remember, God is not limited by your child’s age, background, or choices. No situation is too far gone for Him. If He asks you to let go, you can be sure He knows what He is doing.

God wants you to have a heart that leans in and trusts

If you’re in that place where you feel overwhelmed, scared, sad and unsure what to do next, lean in. Not just into books, or the internet or opinions, but into God. Cry if you need to. Fast if you feel led. But don’t let the heaviness push you away from Him. Let it push you toward Him. God knew what He was doing when He gave you that child. He will help you lead your child right. No prayer will go unanswered.
Remember, His word says “Train up a child in the way He should go and when He is old He won’t depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6) His word doesn’t fail. Believe it. Hold on to it like your life depends on it. Do your part and trust God to lead and uphold your child.
I know you want so much to shield your child from the things you faced and now feel this overwhelming sadness that perhaps you haven’t done such a great job. Please, look at it this way, God is raising your child and everything they face today will help them be better equipped to fulfil their purpose in Him tomorrow. Woohoo! (In your face devil!) Your child is precious to God and He will lead Him right. You’ve been praying, remember?

Dear Parent,
You’re not a failure.
You’re not too late.
And you’re not alone.
God is still writing your child’s story (and yours too).
Keep showing up. Keep loving. Keep praying.
He will carry you through. He will make everything beautiful in its time.
Lean into Him today, trust Him and let Him strengthen you and show you the specific steps to take concerning your child. Everything will turn out ok. Don’t lose your faith. You are loved!

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7