Dear Newly married wife,
Congratulations, you are now a ”Mrs. somebody”! Woot woot!
You’re now officially a wife, stepping into a beautiful new chapter of love, partnership, and –*drum roll* – responsibility. You have dreamed about this period for so long and it is finally here.
Somewhere between the excitement of being the star of the day as a bride, saying I do, the wedding glow and settling into your new life as someone’s wife, it is possible you have felt the pressure to handle everything effortlessly. You have read so much about being a wife. You have heard so much about being the perfect wife (even though some of the advice you heard may have been based on generations ago when a woman’s only role was sitting by the fireplace ensuring fresh meals were churned out every minute!)
Cooking, cleaning, and maintaining a perfect home, being your husband’s number 1 fan, being a supportive wife, excelling at work, staying connected to friends and family, the whole shebang! When you sit down to think about it, it’s actually a lot and if you’re not careful, you’ll find yourself overwhelmed, exhausted, and battling guilt. Then, you’ll find yourself asking, “Why on earth did I get married” I mean, things were a bit more simplified when you were single and unmarried.
Listen up: You don’t have to do it all.
If you start marriage by carrying the entire weight of the home on your shoulders, and trying to do every single thing, you’ll set a pattern that is hard to break. Can we talk about why delegation, balance, and rest are essential for a happy, thriving marriage?

  1. Marriage Is A Partnership Between You And Your Husband And Not Your Solo Project

In many cultures, newly married women feel an unspoken (or sometimes very loudly spoken) expectation to be the perfect wife. Maybe you grew up seeing your mother or grandmother do it all—running the home, taking care of all seven of her children, plus 31 cousins and 43 in-laws (I exaggerate, but then you get the picture?) and never resting. It’s easy to assume this is what a good wife does.
Girl, chill.
Marriage was never made to be a test of how much you can handle alone, of how much you can shoulder. Marriage is a partnership. (To be honest, this is the main thing I want you to take with you from this post) If you set the tone from the start that everything falls on you, your husband will likely follow your lead—and that’s a dangerous place to be.
What to do: Start by sharing responsibilities early. If you’re cooking, he can wash the dishes. If you’re tidying up, he can handle errands. If you both work, then household chores should be a joint effort. And, by household chores, I don’t mean only cooking and cleaning. There’s trash to take out, there are sheets to change, and there are beds to lay. Don’t fall for, “my husband can’t cook to save his life” and shoulder more than you should.
Remember: Asking for help or sharing tasks does not mean you are failing as a wife—it means you are building a healthy marriage.

  1. Rest Is Not Laziness; It Is Necessary

A huge source of new wife guilt is feeling like you must always be doing something. If you sit down to rest while cooking, you feel guilty. If you leave a few dishes in the sink overnight, you feel guilty, if you have a few clothes in the laundry basket, more guilt. If you order takeout instead of cooking, you feel guilty. If you ask your husband to handle dinner or an errand, you feel guilty. Girl, if you are on this lane, take the next exit! And, if there is no exit, just drive into the woods because, you have no business being on this road!
Try to remember that rest isn’t a luxury, it is a necessity.
If you don’t learn to rest, recharge and put your feet up, you’ll eventually burn out, and that exhaustion will affect your marriage.
You are not a machine. You are a woman—one who deserves moments of stillness, relaxation, and self-care (read that again. In fact, read it for as many times as you need to till it sinks in! Here are some ways to include stillness, relaxation and self-care in your routine:

  • Schedule times of rest: Make it a habit to pause, whether it’s an afternoon nap, or just a quiet moment with a book. It is ok to answer, ‘nothing’ if asked what you are doing.
  • Set boundaries. Just because you’re home first doesn’t mean you must take on everything before your husband gets in.
  • Normalize self-care. Taking care of yourself makes you a better wife, not a selfish one.
  1. You Don’t Have to Prove Yourself to Anyone

Early in marriage, you may feel like you have something to prove—to your husband, to his family, to your own family, to your friends. Maybe you want to show that you can handle it all—the perfect meals, the spotless home, the warm hospitality.
But, I will like you to read the next sentence very slowly. Your value as a wife is not measured by how much you do. Your value in marriage is not measured by the number of meals you cook, how tidy your home is, or how much you sacrifice. Know this and know peace.
Instead of focusing on proving yourself, focus on building a strong, joyful marriage. Your husband married you because he loves you—not because he needed a housekeeper, a personal assistant, a cleaner, an on-demand sex machine who can decode all his sensitive spots with the waving of a wand(I said what I said) or a full-time cook.
Let go of the pressure to be perfect. Marriage is a lifelong journey, and you don’t need to have everything figured out in the first few months or years.

  1. Asking for Help Doesn’t Make You Weak

You may be tempted to do everything by yourself without asking for help, because: it is easier (and quicker) if you do it all by yourself, you don’t want to give the impression you are not having a great time in your marriage, your mum/grandma did it all, so why can’t you?
The thing is, healthy marriages are built on communication and shared responsibilities. If you feel overwhelmed, say it. If you need help, ask for it. It is too early for you to leave the baby girl life and start suffering in silence, taking on more than you can handle.
Try to remember you are building a home and a new life together. Your husband is not a guest in your home—he is your partner. Allow him cook sometimes, ask him to handle some tasks in the house, split tasks based on each other’s strengths and schedules.
Sharing tasks is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign of wisdom.
Delegating is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of wisdom.

  1. Finally, please prioritize your marriage over the workload

One of the biggest mistakes new wives make is getting so busy managing the home that they forget to nurture their new marriage. If all your energy goes into keeping the house running, but none goes into quality time with your husband, you’ll quickly feel disconnected. You may even get cranky while you try to juggle it all.
I will share some practical ways (which worked for me) to make your marriage and friendship with your husband a priority:

  • Date Nights: Schedule intentional time together, even if it’s just a simple walk or a home cooked meal. Have date nights frequently. (I recommend weekly especially as life does get busy) See them as a time to put all your phones and other devices aside and focus on each other.
  • Us Time: Put the chores aside and focus on each other. The dishes can wait. Thankfully, it is your home now. Your mum isn’t going to ground you for not leaving dishes in the sink overnight. If you need to, leave them.
  • Laugh Often: Marriage is not just about responsibilities—it’s also about fun, joy, and deep friendship. You are only just getting to know each other. Focus on building the friendship. Laugh at each other. Laugh with each other.

You are in this for the long haul. Early years of our marriage, my husband would say to me, “relax, our marriage is a marathon, not a 100m race’’ Don’t start your marriage burdened by unrealistic expectations. Learn to share tasks, make rest a priority, communicate with your husband, and—most importantly—enjoy this season. Happy married life!